


Constellations Long Forgotten

by honeycrown



Category: The Fault in Our Stars - John Green
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-19
Updated: 2014-04-19
Packaged: 2018-01-19 23:31:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 581
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1488163
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/honeycrown/pseuds/honeycrown





	Constellations Long Forgotten

            No one ever asked about it directly. Most danced around their true question with the grace of a drunk stumbling their way through the dark. It was shameful on both ends but socially unacceptable to ignore it.

                                                _“Are you okay?”_

            What they really meant to ask was:

                                                          _“I heard about Augustus. How sad are you and what can I do to make you stop being sad so I don’t have to put up with it?”_

            I’m not one to speak with malice but every time someone asked me this, I felt like throwing punches, even if it meant my fluid-filled lungs gave out under the strain of beating someone down. This was also socially unacceptable and I had to stand awkwardly under their questioning gaze, fiddling with the cannula, trying to think of an adequate response.

            “Yeah,” I muttered, “Just peachy.”

 

            I kept a pack of Marlboro Lights with me. I never opened the pack but it was comforting. Like having Augustus with me. I refused to put a cigarette between my teeth. I had always found Gus’ metaphors kind of silly.

 

            I tried hard to graduate but it’s hard to do college coursework from a hospital bed. Instead, I wrote to Van Houten, asking him about the sequel. His responses were brilliant as usual, though they felt more contrived after having met him. He said that I was right, that he wasn’t the same person who wrote An Imperial Affliction. Though for me, he said, he would continue to write. I told him that I was back in the hospital. He began to send chapters of the sequel. Cancer Perks, am I right?

 

_Hazel, though our correspondence has lasted for months, I fear you may lack the time it takes for me to complete this book. I’ve enclosed rough drafts, which I entrust to you on the grounds you do not dare to share them with anyone and that you do not come to visit me again in a quest for answers._

            He wasn’t the same writer at all. I learned this quickly after reading the first chapter. Still brilliant but lacking in something. I still enjoyed every sentence, rereading them over and over. I never did get to finish the sequel.

           

           

                                                            _Hazel Grace Lancaster_

                My chest warmed at the sound of his voice. It was only a memory, but a vivid one. We were back on that curb. He was inviting me to see that movie with him. He held a cigarette in his mouth and smirked at me and faded. I was gasping for air and he was there again, in an orange jersey. He was laughing as he offered me his Wish. I was dizzy when he was suddenly beside me on the airplane. He was telling me he loved me. I couldn’t feel anything and the all the air was sucked from my lungs.

 

                                                _Hazel…_

                Gus shook his head but smiled. He stepped forward. “I know, right? No white light or anything. How unfair.”

            I reached toward him, breathing the best I could. “Gus…”

            “Hazel Grace, I know it is totally selfish of me but I am so glad to have you with me. The assholes up here don’t know anything about anything.”

            I could feel air being restored in my lungs. Not by machine but because I took a breath. I knew. “Guess you were right about Something. Capital S.”

            Gus smirked. “Hazel Grace, I missed you. But I’m not going anywhere now. Okay?”

                                                                        _Okay._


End file.
